Monday, May 13, 2013

“The Heart of the Matter”

Mine has been broken…and even burnt (especially after eating spicy food)…but now it also beats to its own drum. I found out a few years ago that I have a fib…and at first I was scared…but then I realized maybe it’s not all that bad. Sure it’s not good by any means…but it’s also not the worst thing known to man.

A fib…also known as atrial fibrillation…and unfortunately a condition I suffer from. Basically all that means is that my heart jumps out of rhythm…for no reason whatsoever…other than just being a real pain in the donkey.

I can be lying in bed…not doing anything fun and/or exhilarating (get your mind out of the gutter)…and my heart will start beating like I just ran a marathon. Sometimes it goes real crazy…just like Ricky Ricardo on the bongos…and makes me feel like a cartoon character in love, where their heart is beating out of their chest.

Thankfully it doesn’t last too long…most of the time only for a few minutes or so…but I must admit, sometimes it does get a bit alarming. I was told it could be fixed with surgery…something about cutting a hole in my heart to make it beat regularly…which by the way, doesn’t sound fun and not really something I want to do.

I was also told that it could be shocked…yes you heard right…shocked back into a regular rhythm…using a defibrillator. Unfortunately this method doesn’t last; eventually my heart will jump back out of rhythm…it’s kind of like those girls on the playground playing double dutch, waiting for their time to jump in a join in on the fun.

There may be some other ways to fix the problem…but after hearing the first two options…the two options they so nicely decided to share with me…I didn’t stick around to hear anything else. Actually to be honest…I ran out of the hospital screaming like a young girl at a Justin Bieber concert…because that’s just how I roll.

I know a fib puts my at a higher risk of stroke and heart attack…but I guess that’s just par for the course…something I have to live with. I just have to take better care of myself and hope for the best…it’s the only thing a man can do.

Now I’m not complaining…because I know there are others who have it a lot worse than I do…but I just figured I would share. I have never met anyone else with a fib…I know I’m not the only one…but it does seem to be a pretty rare thing…at least here in my neck of the woods.

Well my friends…me and my crazy heart…(or as I like to call it my meth head heart, because just like a meth head when the bastard is sober he is nice and mellow…but once he gets some of that junk in him he’s bouncing off of walls)…have to go, so see you next time party peeps.



  1. AAW, friend. My husband has the same thing! He also suffers from an accelerated heart beat for no reason. Many hours and hours in the hospital and they just say to relax and do the breathe thing (hold breath until it's painful and let it out as slow as possible). It's sort of working (and I'm SO sorry to hear you have this - sucky sucky sucky).

    I <3 you and please take care of yourself!

    1. I know...they tell me the same crap...we know your heart feels like it's beating out of your chest...but just relax everything will be okay. I'm like hell to the no...give me something to fix this...stat.

  2. Hey there, yes there is cardioversion (fancy name for jumpstarting the heart) which does hurt like hell. But it is effective and provides some relief. Or you can have surgery for a pacemaker. There is also medication. The best news ever? This isn't 1842 and the medical route is there for you if the beer runs out.

    1. Meds really...the bastards started off with going under the knife or shocking the hell out of me when there's meds available...stupid doctors.

  3. Michael, I'm so proud of you for writing abou this! I mean, there is humor within it, because after all, you can't hide the funny in a funny guy, but it's serious and it's important. I'm glad you shared. I have cardiac arrythmia (I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm about to pass out and don't want to waste the time spell checking :-) At any rate, atrial fibrillation is the most common form of arrythmia (and I am an EMT, by the way) but is more serious than simply arrythmia, which is really nothing more than an irregular heartbeat. See, we even have our heartbeats in common... I knew we had something special :-) Now, I guess, I'm gonna have to Definitely make sure we're lifelong buddies, 'cause I gotta make sure you're living a heart-healthy lifestyle :-)
    Awesome Michael!!! You Rock!!!
    Your buddy, Cat

    1. Thanks Cat...that means a lot...especially coming from you.

      I didn't know you were an EMT...that's freaking awesome. Your job must be very stressful...and of course exciting.

      Not only are we connected mentally...we are connected heartly (a new word I just came up with)...isn't it funny how things seem to work out.

      We both need to take care of ourselves...we can't have anything happening to either one of way no how baby.