Friday, May 24, 2013

“The Truth About Cats and Dogs”

Victor Cruz (the cat) and Mulan (the dog)
I recently got a puppy and a kitten…and I must say I now know why I’m a cat person…this freaking puppy is driving me nuts…all the biting, whining and pooping/peeing all over the place…it’s like having a rabid old timer living with me. The kitten on the other hand…no worries…showed him the litter box and now he’s taking care of well…nobody’s business.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t love them both just the same…but dogs are a H E double hockey stick of a lot of work…way more so than cats are. I find myself yelling at the puppy all the time…just like as if I was Archie and she was Meathead…and just like with Meathead, she does do a lot of things just to aggravate the crap out of me.

I find wires all chewed up…I find her eating the cat food…and of course her nasty little surprises left all over the house. I’m running around chasing her all over the place…like as if we were playing tag and I was “it”. There are times when she is it…and she’s right under my feet…nipping at my toes and ankles just like as if she was Kujo and my feet were covered in barbeque sauce.

I don’t know what to do…when she’s calm and relaxed she’s so adorable and sweet…but when she hopped up on goof balls she’s the devil on four legs. After a day of dealing with that I need a little bit of that “hair of the dog that bit you” if you know what I mean.

Sometimes I just feel like calling it quits…and no I don’t mean by killing myself and/or getting rid of her…what I mean is packing up my hobo bag and hitting the trails. I can’t do that though…because I’m not a quitter…and I know with my luck if I did leave my girlfriend with the puppy and took off I’ll be stuck paying doggie support…which I cannot afford.

Why can’t she just be more like Scrappy Doo and just rock some puppy power…but no…I have a cross between Scooby Dum and Hong Kong Phooey on crack. I’m hoping when all is said and done I’m left with a Lassie who will one day save my life…or even a Brian Griffin (from Family Guy for those not in the know) who goes to college…or maybe even Snoopy aka the Red Baron…but I can tell from my short time with her I’m going to end up with Scooby Doo.

I guess I’m just stuck with her…who knows maybe she’ll grow on me…like a wart or something…but only time will tell. The moral of the story…dogs maybe be cute and all but they’re as dumb as a dog bone and a lot of work…while cats are cool, self-sufficient and very intelligent…so say no to dogs (just like drugs) and yes to cats.



  1. Hahaha!

    Sorry - not laughing at you - just that I so understand the pain you are going through. I got my first puppy a year ago, exactly. All I can say is the biting stops when their teeth fall out (teething) about 6 months in, the pee and poo in the house does come to an end (about 9 months for us) and as for the chewing . . .

    I have had to replace 4 pairs of shoes or friends, my daughter is still wearing chewed trainers at school for PE as I reached a shoe limit, 1 new mobile phone for my neighbour, a lily a pal had just planted, 5 plastic food bowls, 1 piece of loose skirting, a brand new £30 laptop power cable, all my freshly planted seedlings . . .

    On the bright side, she is a great foot warmer in the winter!

    1. It's can laugh at's all good.

      Don't get me wrong...I love the little bugger...and she's as cute as a button...but boy can she rack your nerves.

      So I have about a year of this stuff before it gets better...I guess I can manage...I've been through worse.

  2. Hilarity! I am mightily allergic to cats and because of that, pretty much hate them. I hope we can still be friends. You are right, puppies are a pain but here's the thing. Dogs actually love you back. Cats, not so much. Dogs are loyal and loving and can tell when you're sad. Cats are loyal only in the way that hookers are - when you're giving them a rubdown, they're your friend. But they get nasty kitty litter all over the house, shed, cough up hairballs, um, okay so my dog used to eat grass and make himself barf...however, one time, somebody attempted to mug me. My dog saved my life and my purse. So there's that.

    I promise your new sweet puppy will get easier as he gets older! Really! And then you'll have a loyal friend for the rest of his life.

    1. I'm allergic to cats...and dogs...and pretty much everything and anything else for that matter...but it hasn't stopped me. Sure life sucks...the itchy eyes...the sneezing...but for my little buddies it's all worth it.

      Your dog eats Mary

      Are you sure that the puppy will get better...or are you just fibbing to me so I don't run away and leave him?

  3. Cats are great. And if you have them from kittens, they tend to be more social, more obedient, and more affectionate.

    Good luck. Dogs are wonderful companions, but you've just given me a hundred reasons to never have one!

    Funny as always, MJM!

    1. Amen to that...cats are great...I will so get a kitten again...a freaking way Jose.

      Dogs are great...when they're someone else's...otherwise...not so much.

      Thanks rock.