Saturday, October 5, 2013


Men (and lesbians) want to tap it, make it clap and in their eyes the bigger the better, and of course I’m talking about the female booty, the caboose, the junk in the trunk, you get the picture.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy when a chick has back just as much as the next man, but I was just wondering what the appeal was, why are we blindly (and of course I don’t mean literally) drawn to it like a mouse is to cheese.

Speaking of which, some of these buns could also find us in a trap, so just like the mouse we must be careful when sniffing out the “cheese”, like the great poet Sir Mix-A-Lot said, “That when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung”…sprung, like as in a mousetrap, get it.


I mean think about it, they are the garbage disposals of the human body, all the crap (pardon the pun) our bodies don’t want it gets rid of. I know to some freaky bastards out there that may be hawt and sexy, but to me that’s just plain old nasty.

But even with that knowledge I still can’t avoid the female backside, I’m drawn to it like as if it was a refrigerator and I was a magnet, it calls to me like the television in Poltergeist and I was Carol Anne.

I try to refrain, I try not to stare at it, which is not an easy task by any means and sometimes I have to pretend it’s a solar eclipse just to keep from staring directly at it.

This doesn't always work though, but I must say that it does help if the chick with the thick juicy booty steak is with some crazy looking muscle bound ‘roid head, that kind of kills some of the temptation, if you know what I mean.

I don’t know, I can’t tell you why I want to squeeze them all like as if I was an old woman in the grocery store looking for a fresh loaf of bread, but when I see a fine one common sense goes out the window and my sex drive switches to autopilot.

When it comes to hot chick booty I can sniff it out like as if I was a bloodhound, the kiester doesn't even need to be in the same vicinity as me and I can sense it, like as if I was Spider-man and it got my spider sense tingling…and some other areas tingling too, huh huh.

Female derriere is like a quarter on the train tracks, it can derail me with a quickness, no matter what I was doing before it came into my line of vision it all comes to a halt, the only thing that matters is that gluteus maximus and how good it looks.

I’m as lost as a kid on the back of a milk carton, I don’t know why I’m hypnotized by the booty and why when it grabs hold of me it won’t let go, but I must say they are the best thing since sliced cake.

So keep being bootylicious all you fine females out there, and please forgive me, and all my male counterparts for staring at your rump like as if we were dying of thirst and it was a bottle of water.

Share those beautiful bums, those fantastic fannies and those heavenly heinies, we really appreciate it, and will just about do anything you ask for a piece of that tail. 

The End (get it...the end, we're talking about butts...oh nevermind)



  1. I read all written and can understand your desires,
    but a sweet face and great legs feed my fires.
    With hair color never quite real these days,
    and boobs growing huge in so many fake ways,
    I need great eyes looking back into mine,
    and wonderful legs reaching all the way to the spine.
    A sweet smile melting my heart of crystal glass,
    means so much more than a cheeky big ass.
    But, to each his own, that's why choices vary,
    I'm stuck anyway, with the one I did marry.

    Good piece, MJM! (Damn, that almost sounds very wrong after reading this, lol)

    1. C'mon legs and eyes over a bodacious booty...was your wife sitting by you when you responded?

      You sir write better than I could ever hope to, you truly are a master at your craft.

      Great ending...loved it.

    2. Oh snap! Rich, that was great :D

  2. As a woman with junk in her trunk, I can say men really are attracted to a nice ass.

    Also? Even I have to look when a girl has nice buns.

    1. That we are...we love ourselves some nice seat cushions.

      See, it's not just us me...even straight women have to got back!

  3. You overlooked that awkward moment when you realize the shapely derrière your eyes have been involuntarily following are attached to a man, leading to days of self-questioning, self-doubt, and self-medication. Enjoyed!

    1. Been there...done that...and still having nightmares because of it.

  4. You're a tits man, then?

    See, for me, it's never been butt (apart from one boy in college who my friend and I nicknamed 'Peaches' because he had absolutely the most amazingly perfect, rounded ass, with trousers which must've been tailor made by angels to perfectly cushion it and show it off in all its finery...) but rather hips and thighs - I almost don't mind whose. And arms, ohhh I do like nice arms.

    Just goes to show, we're all different ;)

    1. I'm an everything man, as long as it's on a woman I'm okay with it.

      See...I knew chicks were just as piggy as us men!

    2. Ah we might act all demure and innocent, but believe me, we're every bit as lechy and lusty when we want to be.

      Isn't that why the Chippendales were so successful?

      *now thinking of burly, burly arms and torsos and possibly wiping away a small amount of drool which somehow happened...*

    3. Girl you rock. I freaking love your honesty, and insight into the perverted female mind.