Wednesday, March 5, 2014

“It Snot Coming Out”

Have you ever had one of those boogers that just wouldn’t come out, no matter what you did, or how hard you blew (get your mind out of the gutter) it just wouldn’t move?

It was like a large boulder blocking the entrance to a cave, it hinders you breathing and depending on the overall size of the snot, it could even weigh down your head like an anchor, making you walk all lopsided.

You try to pick it, come on we’re all adults here and have all been knuckle deep in our nostrils on more than one occasion trying to pick out a nose goblin or two, so don’t act like you think it’s “gross” and junk, but all it seems to do is push it further into your nose hole.

Since your breathing is now stifled due to the gooey bastard, thanks to your fat sausage like fingers pushing it further up the rabbit hole, you have no other choice but to try the infamous snot rocket.

Before launching the mucus missile you must make sure that you are not aiming your blow hole at anyone and/or anything that you would not want to get snot on, because try explaining to the person sitting on the seat in front of you on the bus that he/she has some of you sticky grodie DNA on the back of their head.

Now you close up the open nostril and blow as hard as you can with the hopes of the booger breaking free and shooting out of your nose like a “rocket”, but for whatever reason it doesn’t move and you find yourself lightheaded and dizzy like as if you were just run through a washing machine’s spin cycle.

With your snot rocket attempt failing like the Presidents attempt on healthcare, you now have to find another way to dislodge the little green/brown glob of death from your nose, and the next logical step would be to sniff a whole bunch of pepper and hope as a result of it that you have a sneeze powerful enough that it shoots the snot out like a canon.

The sneeze does come as planned, but to your dismay you don’t know if it worked and solved your booger dilemma, because unfortunately the sneeze threw you back and you smacked your head on something an passed out before you could find out.

When you wake the sweet taste of blood fills your mouth, because all the picking, scratching and snorting caused you to have a massive nose bleed, so needless to say things went from bad to worse with a quickness.



  1. intersting
    xx, michelle

  2. I've been there, Mike - when it flaps about with each breath. Such satisfaction when you finally grasp the bastard!

    1. Amen to that my friend, there's nothing better than finally dislodging the little bugger and being able to breath freely again.

  3. I approve of this message!

    Between your booger post and my crapping post I think we have cornered the market on bodily function grossness!

    1. Dude bro, we are so gross and immature...I freaking love it!

  4. I have had that happen... well, part of it. I have allergies and I hate when I get a dry booger in my nose and I can feel it there but I can't get rid of it. It is enough to drive someone insane! And I have tried making myself sneeze to get rid of it, but then I can't STOP sneezing once I start, and it just makes the whole thing worse.

  5. Dry boogers suck...stupid allergies.