Ass...the other white meat (or dark depending on your preference)?
A friend of mine tried to sell me on eating ass, letting me know how erotic and sensual it could be, how it added some extra spice to the whole love making experience, kicked it up a notch if you will as if it was Emeril Lagasse. **Bam**
Now when I say eating ass, I don’t mean like Hannibal Lecter with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, I mean getting all up in there as if you were in a chocolate pie eating contest, tonguing it like an anteater would an anthill, get the picture.
I’m not trying to knock someone’s good time here, or be an asshole (don’t eat me), I just don’t get it myself, I can’t comprehend why someone would want to eat ass and/or have their ass eaten, but oh well to each their own.
All I do know is that you won’t ever catch me eating ass, I don’t care how fine it is and/or who is attached to it, just knowing the shit (and I mean that literally) that comes out of it is enough to make me keep my distance.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable having someone eat mine, I would be too freaked out, I would be worried they would come up with a shit mustache and corn in their teeth trying to give me a kiss, that or have imaginations of becoming a real life human centipede would haunt me.
Not only that, but what if your pipes were clogged, something so fierce that even Liquid Plumber couldn't fix, the job requires a snake (which in this case is the tongue), and with the first sign of penetration everything would come gushing out like a puss from a popped pimple.
Now you’re staring down the barrel, cheeks held wide open so there’s nothing to hinder the shot, and then it happens, you get blasted in the face as if you were Daffy Duck and you just took a shot from Elmer Fudd to the dome during duck season.
You’re now laying there with shit on your face, looking like Swamp Thing and smelling like a public restroom, and if you’re like me your last meal is quickly making its way back up your esophagus, needless to say ruining the moment and completely killing the mood.
So with that said, we need to forget about banning drugs, guns and homosexuals from getting married, and ban ass eating, because honestly nothing good can come from it.