Wednesday, April 22, 2015

“Give You Head”

No this isn’t one of those porno pieces, sorry to burst your bubble, so zip up your pants and put away the lotion.

You’re getting head here that is for sure, but unfortunately it’s not the kind of head you were hoping for, it’s the kind that includes a brain…you know that thinking thingy that a few of us use.  

This is a collection of random thoughts that were lurking in my noggin like a stalker in the bushes outside of your window.

There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it, just various bits of information that may, or may not, be useful to you.

Some of these things make my head insides hurt and peeve me beyond belief, make me question exactly what is going on here, and since it’s the internet and I, like many others of course, have a blog I figured I would share my thoughts with all you fine people here in cyberspace…so enjoy.

Okay here goes…

Number I:

If an athlete breaks the law, regardless of what sport they play and/or how talented they are, they should be punished just like any average Joe would be, no exceptions.

These people are paid to do what they love, it’s not like they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts for the benefit of the fans, and so they shouldn’t be allotted any special privileges as a result of it and/or be considered above the law because of it.

If I’m working at McDonalds, and I decide to haul off and slam Birdie in the face with my fist all over some cold fries, I can pretty much guarantee that I would be escorted out in handcuffs and vacating the head fry cook position immediately, especially if the whole thing was caught on candid camera.

They are paid to represent a city, to represent a team and most importantly to represent the fans, so if they don’t act accordingly they should be allowed to play the game, no three strikes here, more like one and you’re done.

Call me old fashioned, but in my day if someone wanted a raise they earned it, not just held up a sign demanding it.

Money for nothing, and your chicken McNuggets for free!

Number II:

I personally think this Kendall Jones character (if you’re not familiar with her work click here), and others like her, need to be hunted just like the animals they hunt.

Am I bullying her, well let's ask all the animals she killed solely for the "sport" of it what they think about it.

I'm sorry, but I think her actions are disgusting and deplorable, as I'm sure some of you will feel my words are, and should not be celebrated to any extent.

It sickens me that these people display the carcasses of their kills as if it was a trophy, like they actually accomplished something praiseworthy.

They pose for pictures with it like if it was one of those comical cutouts you would find at the fair where you stick your face through and snap a picture, what an utter disgrace if you ask me.

I know all you so-called sport hunters out there will tell me this isn’t Looney Tunes, and that the animals you kill aren’t like Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck, they are just soulless creatures here for our amusement since of course we are the superior species on this planet.

With that said, I must remind you that you’re not Elmer Fudd and you have no right going around shooting anything you want to just because you feel like it, all in the name of sport, if you want to call it that.

Number III:

No offense to Folgers coffee, but wouldn't the best part of waking up, be the fact that you actually woke up and didn't die in your sleep?

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure having Folgers in your cup is a nice perk (pardon the pun) but it definitely isn't the best part of waking up…just saying
All things considered though, if you're going to go, dying in your sleep would be the best way to do so, regardless of if there was Folgers in your cup or not.

However, if we’re being real here, life sucks more than Monica Lewinsky, so maybe just waking up isn’t all that great, so I say screw the coffee and wake up with some hard liquor in your cup followed by a nice Xanax biscotti.

Number IV:

I have some really bad news for you, whether you want to believe it or not, the children of today are not the future as we were lead to believe, but rather they are little sons of bitches with horrible attitudes and evil intentions.

Gone are the days of kids chomping on Flintstone chewable vitamins, wearing Kool-Aid smiles and of course kids saying the darndest things.

We all know that there are a few good apples in the spoiled bunch, but unfortunately they are few and far between, because most are rotten to the core and filled with gross and nasty worms, real bad “seeds” if you ask me.

This horrible brat epidemic could be blamed on the video games they play, the music they listen to or even on the movies/television shows they watch, but realistically we all know it’s our own damn fault, we created these little monsters and now we must pay the piper.  

Number V:

When someone calls you a motherfucker, are they implying that you fuck your mother, or that you fuck a mother, because honestly the latter isn't really all that bad, and if you happen to be a redneck I guess neither is the former.

Just wondering.

Number VI:

Before the person(s) demanding raises for all those fast-food employees does so, maybe they should get all the staff together and let them know that they need to show they deserve it first.

Since all this stuff started about giving raises to these employees, I started paying better attention to the service I received at these said establishments, and lo and behold it was less than stellar…I know, no big surprise there.

If anything it has showed me that they do not feel they have to work for this extra money they are asking for, that just because the cost of living has gone up so should their paycheck, and unfortunately that’s not the way it works.

As long as the employer is paying you at or above minimum wage than all is good, they aren’t breaking any laws and/or operating a sweat shop, sorry to break it to you.

Fast-food employment has always been an entry level position into the workforce as a whole, and not a stopping point, when this changed I’m not really sure but it certainly does puzzle me.

I know jobs are limited nowadays thanks to the economy, and sometimes you have to take whatever is available, but a fast-food clerk should not be a career, but rather a stepping stone onto bigger and better things.

Your resume should only start with that job, not end with it, well that is unless you are hoping to move up through the ranks within the company, then by all means go on with your badself.

For the record, I’m not saying that these employees don’t deserve a raise of some kind, but you must remember that with more money comes more responsibility, this is how it is across the board so just be prepared.

Number VII:

Idolizing a musician (or any other celebrity for that matter), who passed on by their own hands or by any other means, solely because you enjoyed their body of work is completely ridiculous.

I’m not hating, I’m just saying.

If you want to look up to someone who is no longer with us, who deserves it, then try someone like Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa and/or Gandhi, just to name a few.

Now there’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying and/or even admiring an individual’s body of work, but you shouldn’t allow those feelings to transform into blind worship.

Being unaware of who that person really was behind closed doors, is more important than their work when it comes to looking up to them and/or emulating the character they portrayed in the public eye.

Number VIII:

Hard truth, I hope you really like shopping at Walmart, because if you don't support small businesses you'll have no choice but to.

Support small businesses, because once they're gone, we are at the mercy of big business, and that's not a good thing by any means.

Don't let small businesses become extinct, fight to keep them alive, they are the cornerstone of this great country of ours!

Go out of your way to shop small businesses, it will pay off in the long run...literally.

Shop small, with big results, support your local small businesses.

As I’m sure you can tell I’m pro small business.

The End…

Well there you go my friends, just some of the golden nuggets that I have stored in the penthouse of my body.

Take from them what you will, and feel free to rip me a new one if you so feel fit to, I’m totally okay with that.

Thanks for reading.



  1. Love this article. I'm glad you freed these thoughts from the Penthouse of your body and you raise some damned good points my friend. Snot-nosed little brats deserve a warm slipper to the backs of their knees, Gandhi rules, and as for Folger's coffee...well actually I haven't tried it.

    Brilliantly insightful, hugely entertaining, just plain gold my friend. Write on!

    1. LOL thanks, I really appreciate that. Great (and crazy) minds think alike my friend. For the record, Folgers sucks, don't bother.

  2. You're one of the world's great thinkers, Mike - a philosopher. Plato has nothing on you, my friend!

    1. LOL thank you my friend, I really appreciate that. I don't know if I'm one of the world's great thinkers, but I definitely am one of its great stinkers.

  3. I. absolutely
    II. Kendall Jones is a blight to humanity. I can't understand why some people are so ignorant of the connection that exists between living things on this planet. WTF?
    III. Your problem - fourth word in...Folgers! Throw that shit away. Get some good beans and save the hard liquor for the end of the day.
    IV. O.M.G. yes! Generally, yes yes yes! The sense of entitlement is unprecedented. It's not video games or TV (exactly) - they feel entitled because they always have been, have never had to work for anything and know no other way. That said, I know a lot of good, caring, smart ones. Try to work with some kids and help spread some good old fashioned values.
    V. eew! Mothers have nothing to do with it! Stop thinking of mothers! Use 'mother' as you would say 'mothership'
    VI. entitlement
    VII. Yup. Kurt Cobain?
    VIII. YUP. It's a tough sell, but I'll keep preaching it.

    Thanks for your insight and some chuckles. :)

    1. You're awesome my friend! As they say, great minds think alike, and I can clearly see I'm in good company.

  4. That was an awesome read. I am so with you on some of these. Especially small biz, asshole kids, Kendall Jones, and so on. Too funny.

    With kids though it's usually because the parents are assholes! They pump out spawn of assholes.They become assholes. It's a deadly cycle.

    1. Great minds think alike my friend.

      The parents are the problem, that is for sure, that's why I'm a firm believer of bringing spankings back.

  5. I. I think they should swap the pay . . . . of the military and the pro ball players. And landmine the ball fields. Sure would make watching sports more interesting as well as put the money in the right place.
    II. I don't kill for sport or for food. It requires getting up before daybreak and fuck that.
    III. Morning wood. That is all.
    IV. Seems we need to start punishing the parents. I bet that will get shit taken care of. "Hey, your entitled little piece of shit rich white kid decided to break into cars and steal shit just for fun? Mom and Dad, you get 10 years each and we get to beat your son to within an inch of his life." *SMACK* "Next case."
    V. Well I have fucked and MADE someone a mother, so I guess that counts.
    VI. Given the service I usually get at fast food establishments, we ought to be able to pass a law to make it legal to pay them BELOW minimum wage.
    VII. Robin Williams - Because I share, get and understand his struggles.
    VIII. Small business is the only place you can find the original ideals that business was supposed to be based on: Honesty, Integrity, Quality and Service. You'll find none of those at WalMart.

    You're welcome.

    1. I: My friend I definitely agree with you in regards to swapping pay, it is utterly ridiculous that we pay our athletes better than we do our men and women in uniform who serve this great country of ours.

      II: LOL I'm right there with you, screw morning!

      III: There is no way in hell that I'm putting morning wood in my cup...not hating, just saying.

      IV: I'm all in favor of punishing the parents too, but we must remember that most would love to punish their children like back in the day, but unfortunately this world of ours took that away from them, so they are lift with counting to 10 and timeouts.

      V: LOL Awesome!

      VI: Amen to that and hallelujah to that shit! As I said prior, I'm not against them making more money, but first they need to show they deserve it.

      VII: I feel your pain my friend, I've been there myself many times before, it's not easy.

      VIII: Again, amen to that and hallelujah to that shit! Very well said.

  6. This is why I hate WalMart, they drove away all of the small hardware stores, that would really HELP you, and so many other small businesses. You can't keep up w/their prices b/c a mom and pop shop don't have access to sweat shops in 3rd world countries w/round the clock kids sewing 24/7 in exchange for canned meat.
    I'm also with you on the fast food jobs being an intro job, but I have known a lot of people that had to take those jobs to get extra cash at night, etc. and kids working their way through college, they can get evening shifts. There are almost NO jobs that even 20 yr olds can get where they can afford an apartment by themselves. If they can't find anyone sane for a roomate, they're forced to live with their parents. That ain't right!

    1. I totally agree with you in regards to Walmart, those bastards sucks butt.

      I know times are tough, and people are struggling just to make it nowadays, but some jobs (i.e. fast-food) make what they do because of what is expected of them in that position, and based on what I've seen firsthand in a good majority of these places, I would say that's not much.

      People have to remember, with more pay comes more responsibility, it's been that way since the first time card was punched and is never going to change.

  7. OMG.... this is spot on and I love this part of your body... of works!!! most excellent!!

    1. LOL you're freaking awesome my friend, thanks for the love.

  8. Replies
    1. LOL thank you very much my friend. You're awesome, and don't you forget it!